Start Those Engines

Whoopin' The Amish

One Lap at a Time

An interesting side note was the group of Amish people who were out having a good time. They all looked fairly young to be married and pregnant, but I think that is part of their culture. Now being from the west coast, we don't have too many Amish people out our way. We have quite a few Russian communities that are similar (not really, but its the closest we have).

I felt bad about staring at them, but I did. I couldn't help it. It's not they were freaks, they were so far removed from my stream of conscienceness that I found myself fascinated with their accents and language. They were your normal teenagers, but it was like they were on their best behavior, like when you were a kid and your parents took you over the childless relatives' house and you had to be ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR *finger pointing at chest emphasizing the words*. They were very friendly, at ease out in our world. More at ease than I was standing next to them, listening and mesmerized by them. I think their accents sounded a bit like an irish brogh, but I wasn't completely sure.

The part that really got me going was waiting in line to get on the go-karts, they were right next to us. Now, you have to understand, my exposure to this culture was all through TV and movies, which paints the standard picture of the horse and buggy on the road with a "Amish On Board" yellow placard on the back. And here I was, waiting in line to get on a motorized vehicle with people who may or may not have ever been in a motorized vehicle. Was I going to get mangled in some tragic Amish Go-Kart Massacre? Was this going to be the race of the century: man vs. machine vs. buggy vs. crazy Amish? Were they a fair people? Would they hit me or try to kick me going around corners? Did they spit?

The only thing I did know; I couldn't let them beat me. I had to win, it was a moral imperative. To be beaten by people who don't even use these things was unconsciencable. So there it was, the pink elephant waiting in line with us. NO LOSING! I had to really pump myself up for this one: We won't tolerate any losers in this race! Your intensity is for shit!

Win!

I could tell by Tanis' demeaner of sitting on the concrete wistfully watching the go-karts that he was feeling the same thing as I was.

As it turned out, they are a very peaceful, fun-loving people. Don't get me wrong, I still wooped their asses. But I just didn't feel like they were into it like I was. They didn't get the same calling I had. Which was sad, because it felt really, really good woopin' em.

Except for Gene, they immediately saw him as a target and went after him with furious anger and great vengence. They boxed him in and gave him the famed Amish Smackdown.